It’s September which means the weather’s turning and sunny days at the beach will be far and few between until next year. Even those of us who love Autumn could probably do with a few laughs round about now and fortunately we’ve got just the thing… We’ve searched the internet to bring you the seven best worst car jokes.
- Just a little misunderstanding. Nothing to worry about really…
A man was driving his car down the motorway when his mobile rang. Putting it on loudspeaker, his heard his wife’s frantic voice. “Please be careful. I just heard on the news that a car is going the wrong way down the M1!” “It’s not just the one,” he said. “It’s hundreds of them!”
- Well, that’s just mean…
The other day I came out of a shop after 5 minutes to see a policeman writing a parking ticket. Going up to him, I asked if he couldn’t give a chap a break. He ignored me so I called him an idiot. He looked at me slowly, finished writing the ticket, stuck it on the windshield and then started writing a second ticket. I called him a loser so he started writing a third ticket. This lasted about half an hour. The more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote until, finally the car was covered in them! I didn’t care. I’d taken the bus into town!
- When your son tells you there’s something wrong with the car and he doesn’t know anything about cars, always take him seriously.
A teenage boy went to his father and said “Dad, there’s something wrong with the car. It has water in the carburettor.” “Don’t be silly,” said his dad. “Water in the carburettor? That’s ridiculous!” “I’m telling you,” said his son, “it definitely has water in the carburettor!” “You don’t even know what a carburettor is!” the father replies. “I’ll come take a look. Where is it?” “In the pool,” said his son.
- Sometimes simple is best.
I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
- Classic knitting banter.
Driving alongside another car on the motorway, a policeman was astonished to see that the driver was knitting instead of holding the wheel. He put on his lights and siren but the driver didn’t seem to notice. Finally, the policeman caught their attention by gesturing wildly, got them to wind down their window and yelled “PULL OVER!” “NO,” the driver shouted back. “IT’S A SCARF.”
- The mum of one of the team drives a KIA; we’ll be telling her this one…
A guy walks into a garage and says “I want a gas cap for my KIA.” After thinking for a little while, the mechanic says, “Alright, that seems like a fair trade.”
- And the absolute best we found came from one reddit user, on the back of number 7.
Zack1018: A guy walks into a shop and says "i'd like a gas cap for my KIA." The owner thinks for a few seconds and replies "ok, that seems like a fair trade"
onepoint21jiggawatts: my girlfriend just bought a new oil cap for her kia. i sent her this joke and she wasn't amused. shark_claws: Are kias really that bad?
PelicanHazard: They used to be terrible. Now they're like any other manufacturer.
W3RRD: So, soulless, ugly, and overpriced?
/rant why-not-zoidberg: Nonsense, they've got soul.
*Slow clap* Very nice, why-not-zoidberg.
Impressed by this selection of car-related hilarity? Tell these jokes to all your friends for the classic ‘dad joke’ reaction. Think you could do better? Send in your car jokes, people! (No, seriously. We’d love to hear them and share them on social.)
Nothing going to make you laugh because your van or car needs a part? Use our PartFinder to get quotes from breakers across the UK.
(P.S. We don’t own any of these jokes although we did modify some of them a bit. We found these crackers on Car Throttle, Car Talk, Quotescoop.com, Will and Guy’s, Car and Driver, reddit and The News Wheel.)